思考思考

达成现在所要的，追求未来必要的，到底哪一个比较重要，比较切实际？ 嗯。。。 这也应该是为什么我那么执着为未来打算吧。 这也应该是为什么我的哥儿们是我的哥儿们吧。 拥有着一样的信念，奋不顾身的为自认为最有益的抱负而冲刺吧！！！

感人

无意的看到了这篇文章，心里怪别扭的。 大家看看吧。

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吵架之後,如果對方打你手機,一定要接！吵架之後,如果對方打你手機,一定要接！！！
有那麼一對情侶.女孩很漂亮,非常善解人意,偶爾時不時出些壞點子耍耍男孩.男孩很聰明,也很懂事,最主要的一點.幽默感很強.總能在2個人相處中找到可以逗女孩發笑的方式.女孩很喜歡男孩這種樂天派的心情.

他們一直相處不錯,女孩對男孩的感覺,淡淡的,說男孩像自己的親人.

男孩對女孩愛甚深,非常非常在乎她.所以每當吵架的時候,男孩都會說是自己不好,自己的錯.即使有時候真的不怪他的時候,他也這麼說.他不想讓女孩生氣.就這樣過了5年,男孩仍然非常愛女孩,像當初一樣.

有一個週末,女孩出門辦事,男孩本來打算去找女孩,但是一聽說她有事,就打消了這個念頭.他在家裡呆了一天,他沒有聯繫女孩,他覺得女孩一直在忙,自己不好去打擾他.

誰知女孩在忙的時候,還想著男孩,可是一天沒有接到男孩的消息,她很生氣.晚上回家後,發了條信息給男孩,話說得很重.甚至提到了分手.當時是晚上12點.

男孩心急如焚,打女孩手機,連續打了3次,都給掛斷了.打家裡電話沒人接,猜想是女孩把電話線拔了.男孩抓起?蝒A就出門了,他要去女孩家.當時是12點25.女孩在12點40的時候又接到了男孩的電話,從手機打來的,她又給掛斷了.

一夜無話.男孩沒有再給女孩打電話.第2天,女孩接到男孩母親的電話,電話那邊聲淚俱下.男孩昨晚出了車禍.警方說是車速過快導致剎車不急,撞到了一輛壞在半路的大貨車.救護車到的時候,人已經不行了.

女孩心痛到哭不出來,可是再後悔也沒有用了.她只能從點滴的回憶中來懷念男孩帶給她的歡樂和幸福.

女孩強忍悲痛來到了事故車停車場,她想看看男孩呆過的最後的地方.車已經撞得完全不成樣子.方向盤上,儀表盤上,還沾有男孩的血跡.

男孩的母親把男孩當時身上的遺物給了女孩,錢包,手錶,還有那部沾滿了男孩鮮血的手機.女孩翻開錢包,裡面有她的照片,血漬浸透了大半張.

當女孩拿起男孩的手錶的時候,赫然發現,手錶的指針停在12點35分附近.女孩瞬間明白了,男孩在出事後還用最後一絲力氣給她打電話,而她自己卻因為還在堵氣沒有接.男孩再也沒有力氣去撥第2遍電話了,他帶著對女孩的無限眷戀和內疚走了.

女孩永遠不知道,男孩想和她說的最後一句話是什麼.女孩也明??不會再有人會比這個男孩,更愛她了！



人吵架的時候，什麼最重要？
驕傲？
自尊？
面子？
輸贏？
這些其實都不重要

最重要的仍然是你心愛的那個人~
最重要的仍然是你們這份得來不易的感情~

本來在愛情裡，不管是爭執或衝突，
只要最後能協調、能化解就好了，哪有什麼贏者或輸家
真要爭誰贏誰輸，誰有面子誰又低聲下氣，
最後賠上的只是這份感情，誰也沒贏
~~實際上是兩敗俱傷~~
有沒有想過，爭吵的目的是為什麼？
其實不是單純的為了道理講理，
而是對方不肯讓你，男生女生亦然，

因此爭吵到了最後其實早已偏離主題，而是為了賭一口氣。
好大的一口氣，代價不貲。
和好的時候，才體認出那些，
淚也白流了，氣也白生了，是何必？還是活該？

India & Bangladesh

Ahhh, after reading a report on Yahoo! News, a question popped up in my mind. Is Bangladesh part of India? I turned to my colleague for an answer, and his reply was a definite "NO". "Not same color means same country leh!", this was his reply. O. O Just to clarify, this comment was not made based on any form of stereotyping, but it's just another reaction that took place when people mistook a Singaporean for a Chinese in the European countries.

I decided to do a little research of my own. Viola! Bangladesh is indeed just a close neighbor of India. =) That explains why Indian barred gay sex while the Bangladeshis can still get away happily with their pinkies-holding in Singapore. I'm glad that this misconception of mine, or rather confusion, is finally being taken care of. In the past, whenever someone challenged my knowledge in regards to this matter, i will begin to hesitate and might be swayed to think that Bangladesh is part of India. Not now =)

silent de meh meh

Recently there has been a craze in the office started by me. Not really a craze, but something that is shared between a few of us guys. HEH. After the facebook incident, i initiated the trend of associating my feelings with a particular song. It didn't take too long for that song to be used in many other situations. The wonderful thing is that... it really does apply to many of those situations! Haha! Enjoy! =)

当别人误解我的时候
我总是沈默
沈默对我来说其实是一种反驳
当世界遗忘我的时候
我一个人过
幸福对我来说其实是一种传说
当敌人越来越多
朋友都离开我
当爱情变成一种负担却无法解脱
我不是沈默的羔羊
我有话要讲
给我一点酒
让我有勇气
向你吐露我的悲伤
我不是沈默的羔羊
我也有梦想
当明天太阳升起
照在我的脸上
我一样能散发光芒
羔羊也会怒吼
沉默是一种力量
你是不是和我一样
在现实中学会坚强

【败犬女王】经典词句

八岁的差距 我们可以一起弥补啊
你可以为了我 继续穿迷你裙
我可以为了你 穿西装打领带
我们可以一起看你爱看的外国电影
你可以陪我一起看我爱看的热血漫画
只要我们在一起就都OK啦
如果累了没车 我可以背你回家
如果你心情不好 我可以陪你上天台看星星
没有金钱堆砌的恋爱 也不见得不浪漫啊
这样因为感觉单纯的在一起 难道不可以吗
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对 我是喜欢无双
可是喜欢一个人
不能用这么卑劣的手段把她留在你身边啊
不能让她继续活在谎言里嘛
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根据英国科学研究
老鼠成天看着一块自己吃不到的cheese
两天就发疯了耶
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你是有完没完啊
差八岁这件事情
从我们认识第一天讲到现在
是怎样 没新梗吗
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你现在叫我是为什么
是想要告诉我
你突然改变主意
打算要跟我在一起
你是要告诉我
我想要听到的答案吗
如果不是
那就不必了
我现在如果转过头来
我真的不知道会对你做出些什么事情
除非你心里准备好要接受我
或是你准备好要跟我在一起
不然你不要来招惹我
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这是我最后一次帮你了
对了 别忘了我是万能的打工达人
不过下次找我要收费咯
拜拜
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你干嘛
你想当媒人是不是
你不要自己不要我
就随便把我推给别人好不好
我有那么悲惨吗
我不要你这种随便施舍的同情
我最讨厌你这种自己已经得到幸福了
就随便帮人家撮合姻缘的人
你到底知不知道这是大忌啊
你到底懂不懂什么是谈恋爱
================================================
就当作是帮朋友最后一个忙
for free again
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卢卡斯：我看我这一辈子
都再也遇不到像你那么奇怪的女人了
无双： 我大概这一辈子
也遇不到像你这种
外表看起来轻浮
可是内心有很多秘密的打工仔
================================================
现在好啦
辛辛苦苦养大的一只鳖
要送给别人煮了
老天爷
你对我还真够好的
================================================
如果可以的话
我还真的不想收留你
我是很没有义气啊
不过这是实话耶
你这个人实在是太贼了
搬到我家里面就算了
你还搬到我心里来
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这世界上只有三种东西掩饰不了
一个是打喷嚏
一个是爱情
一个是贫穷
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卢卡斯：大姐 你是想要当我女朋友
还是想要当我妈
你这么关心我
无双：一定要你的谁才可以关心你是不是
卢卡斯：对！ 我不想要一个路人甲关心我！
这八年的界线是你拉出来的
如果你跨过来就接受我
我现在问你
你跨不跨过来？
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偶尔还是会期待那个永远不上线的人突然出现
或者是说期待那一串曾经熟悉的电话号码
再次出现在自己的手机里面
偶尔还是会想要偷偷知道他的近况
还是会想要关心他过得到底好不好
================================================
如果那个时候就知道
后来我们将会再度分开
或许我就不会踏出那道门
曾经以为我们可以证明
爱情只要两个人单纯的在一起就好
但事实是
我们把爱想得太伟大
把现实想得太简单
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你知不知道企鹅
其实是一种很专情的动物
他们一旦找到对方之后
就会认定对方一辈子
交配后呢
他们就会轮流留下来孵蛋
而另外一只就会出去觅食
可是你知道吗
出去觅食的那只企鹅
很有可能被海豹吃掉
再也回不来
但被留下来那只企鹅
并不知道
他就一直在冰天雪地里面
等
等
等
等着再也回不来的另外一半
以前我觉得企鹅这种习性是很浪漫的
但学长离开我六年的时候
我才知道
被留下来的企鹅的感受
是多么孤单跟寂寞的
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我的确没有发现
因为你现在已经开始痛苦了
难道你没有发现
我们现在的关系有多不安吗
我从来不回去介意别人的眼光
可是你介意
所以你才去改变你的穿着来配合我
你介意我同学对你的评价
甚至连路边一个陌生店员说的话
你也会因为这样感到不开心
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为什么你老是要去担心那些不可能发生的事情呢
更何况我爱你根本不需要怀疑吗
================================================
为什么我这样做就是勉强
我就是不想出国读书嘛
我想要留在台湾
我想要留在你身边
我想要让你安心
我想要赶快开始赚钱
我想要让你过好一点的生活
我想要买得起你想要买的柜子
而不是帮你选一个柜子要这么小心翼翼的
我想要赶快成为能够让你幸福的那个男人
为什么不能让我选择我想要的付出呢
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我也想要分担你的压力啊
你妈逼你结婚
你也不肯告诉我
你朋友天天问你
你也不肯对我说
如果我们两个在一起
造成你那么大的压力的话
我可以当做什么都没看见
继续天真的跟你在一起吗
我知道你有你的难处
所以我也不想造成你的负担
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你在说什么
你现在是说你后悔了吗
你觉得如果当初你选的是宋允浩
而不是选择我这个小你八岁
却老是给你带来一堆麻烦的男朋友
是吗
这就是你的真心话对不对
对不对
好 你终于讲出来了
我原本以为这些事情
早在你跨越那条线的时候
你就已经都知道了
我原本以为我们已经有共识
可以一起跨越所有的困难
如果你不相信我
能够陪你一起到最后
那这个戒指有什么用
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对自己没有信心
就会一直怀疑对方
如果不克服自己心中的恐惧
就没有办法回复到一个平等的姿态来维系这段关系
心病还需心药医
如果对事情不要总是这么执着
那么就不会有这么多问题产生了
不只感情
在面对很多人生问题的时候也是一样
何必要庸人自扰呢
如果愿意想开
其实一秒钟就可以想开了
不是吗

梦想的追寻

今天终于有机会正式的学骑脚踏车了。 时光咻的一声，不知不觉就过了。 真可惜，还是没能学会。 成绩一个都没，伤口倒是多了好几个。 屁股开花了，淤青痛的连坐下都有问题。 大拇指们也都逃离不了脱皮的厄运。 最可怜的该是那只右脚吧。 伤痕累累就别提了，其中一道伤痕好像还蛮严重的。 那样拼命到底是为了什么呢？ 为了满足我那毫无止境的虚荣心，还是另有牵挂？ 皮外伤，忍一忍就过去了。 有些事，还是别说的太明比较好。 该是控制饮食的时候了。 我可不想一边蹲着马桶一边流泪啊！！！ 若是泻肚子。。。 我的天啊。。。 小屁屁，那就辛苦你啦！ 哥哥会尽可能的忍耐滴！！！

When MRT doesn't work

Train not coming at a high enough frequency? Late for work? Try this =)

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SINGAPORE: Train services along the East West MRT line were disrupted for 18 minutes on Friday at about 7.25pm.

A man jumped off the platform at Aljunied MRT station and ran along the track towards Paya Lebar Station.

A commuter activated the Emergency Stop Plunger which stopped approaching trains from entering the station.

SMRT staff combed the tracks twice but did not find the man.

Police finally arrested the man who managed to find his way down to the street below the MRT track.

The police said the Chinese man, who is in his late 40s, sustained leg injuries and will be charged with attempted suicide.

He could be fined up to S$5,000 for trespassing MRT tracks.
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星期六

就这样度过了一个懒洋洋的星期六。 好久没有站在窗前看着那美丽的夕阳了。 橘色的阳光照耀在一座座的组屋，让人不禁想多看一眼。 望着窗外，远视着那个篮球场，突然好想打打球。 独自一个人打也就算了，连球都没有，那才可悲。 不知从几何时，我已喜欢上了汗水。 无所事事的赖在床上已不像从前那样能带给我享受了。 我在想，即使给了我一颗篮球，我还能跟以前一样有勇气的独自上球场吗？ 向晚意不适，驱车登古原。 夕阳无限好，只是近黄昏。

Evolution

Put down all your pride and integrity. Erase the past. Forsake the present and embrace the future. Let your mind be clear, fear not what might be. Feed on the weak and prey on the strong. Let there be no light at the end of the tunnel, as darkness is the mother of true eternal. In music you will find, that soothes your mind. Mighty warrior, prepare your sword. Face the horizon and clear your thoughts. Fear not the devil nor the god, behold the power that blinds them all.

Lies

As promised, an update from yesterday. =)

Yesterday morning, my ex sent me a SoS message. There was a bastard who kept pestering her and most probably the worst harassment i have ever heard of. Let's keep the profanity low here, so i'll just name him Bunny (Actually his real name is Benny, but due to my ex misspelling it as Bunny in one of her sms to me, i decided to just use it out of disrespect for him =P). A little recap on who this Bunny is. He was the one who tried to get into the relationship between me and my ex and eventually caused me so much unrest till the point i had to give her up. At that point of time, i was basing my decision that my ex should just go with him since they have much more to talk about, with the assumption that Bunny wasn't a BAD guy. Yup, that was a horrible decision on my part and a poor judgement due to the lack of information.

Somehow, my ex decided to message me again after that and its through that fateful conversation that i realised that Bunny wasn't as innocent as he seemed to be. He was a devil in disguise. I was infuriated upon knowing that he was sowing discord between us by making false accusations geared towards me on numerous occassions. He acted like an angel in front of me and carried out his backstabbing operations behind my back. How classic. For all my friends who have known me long and deep enough, you would have guessed i will not back out from such a humiliating challenge posed by the likes of him. And so, it was game on. He could have gotten away with all his dark deeds and had a good time toying with my ex, but too bad for him, i had a late realization.

From then on, it was all about me exposing him down to his soul. His downfall was that he told all his lies based on an assumption that failed him eventually. My ex kept everything to herself and hardly tell me anything. Using this to his advantage, he was able to defame me as much as he wanted without me having the chance to retaliate or even realizing. Sucks to be him. He greatly underestimated me. Eventually, he had to pay for that. I can tolerate people surpassing me, but not people who shortchanged me =P My capability isn't restricted by how much i can achieve, but rather how willing i am. It has been so long since someone tried me and i was more than glad to perform as i really did need some practice to protect my skills from obsoletism.

Back to topic, yesterday. He wanted to meet her for "one last time". It wasn't difficult to realize that his definition of LAST greatly differed from what was written in any dictionary available. The funny thing was that, he was dying to avoid any confrontation with me. I wonder why. HEH~ Too bad for him, with the help of my ex, he came down eventually. He was expecting me initially and was hesitant to meet. After having assurance from my ex that i would not be around, he took a cab down. I had a hard time hiding with a flu. =( He surveyed the area for my existence before finally went over to talk to my ex. 心机好重哦~ 白天不做亏心事，夜半敲门心不惊。 But it was worthwhile as it was so fun playing with his mind when i appeared out of nowhere to interrupt their conversation.

During the whole confrontation, he was beating around the bush and profusely dodging questions posed to him. Yawn. The main idea was to bombard him with questions so that he won't have much time to think and react. Answers gotten in this manner will either be the real truth, or some disorganized lies. Proven once again, he was full of crap and told a truckload of lies. Everytime when he was posed a question by me, he would digress and never answer the question in a straightforward manner. Typical of him. I would expect nothing less, lol~! Being the experienced interrogator, i kept pushing him for answers, but he did not fail to sound ridiculous. There was this classic one that kept me laughing in the back of my brain for quite some time. He, as a UOB personal banker, for his own interest to dig out personal information about my ex, resorted to searching through the UOB database. On top of that, he told my ex that he was able to gain access to the database easily, which in light, is a form of threat. He even browsed through my facebook profile to look at all my friends' profile. Sorry friends, this stalker is just pure lunatic. I apologized for any inconvenience caused. =|

Hopefully, this would be the first and the last time i would hold a confrontation with a cowardly, scheming, psychotic liar. As for my ex, i really hope that she can finally get all the answers she has always wanted and be able to make decisions that will be best for her. There is only so much i can do for her as a friend. =) Even though i still do have feelings for her, but it takes two hands to clap. In the past, suffering from all the false accusations, i felt so sad each day when i thought of her after our breakup, even though i was the one who initiated it. To be wrongly judged by the one you love will most probably be the top 10 saddening things on Earth. But now, since the accusations against me have dissolved, i'm able to lead back a normal life. It was a pity that we had to end up like this, as i felt that we both weren't alone right from the beginning. Oh well, it's a lesson learned. Life goes on and everything that happens from now on will be written on a brand new page. =)

好心情

今夜的心情特别好。 不多说，因为我困了。 明天有空再补充。 只能说，好久没有这样痛痛快快的说出话了！！！

Community Spread. Finally.

Yup. It has already been confirmed that H1N1 has reached a stage whereby community spread is prevalent in Singapore. You might be suggesting that "prevalent" might be too strong a word to use considering the mere 142 confirmed cases. But to me, it is nothing less than the truth. A word of advice, H1N1 will continue to spread like wildfire and there will be nothing much that can be done to stop it. It will remain as one of the most interesting issue to me, considering the fact that some people are still negatively optimistic with the current situation. As long as i'm not on the receiving end, i will be more than happy to see if it turns out the way i perceived.

Genkai

Feeling really tired now. I wonder if its because due to the lack of sleep or something else...? I'm feeling like i'm living in the shadow of another person, which is totally unbearable. Why do i have to live up to the expectations set by others? I'm me myself. Uniquely me. For every good trait i have, there is a bad one. But is it not the case for everyone? Neglecting the positive while attacking the negative is one of the most efficient way to shut a person down. Flowers bloom under the most natural and carefree conditions, while those constantly tortured by the harsh environment will lose their capabilities and eventually wither. I want to be myself, the one who is always brimming with confidence, not easily shaken with the ability to enjoy and have a good laugh more than anyone else. Insecurity is really the worst emotional weapon on Earth. I'm suffering the aftereffect already. When my confidence hits rock bottom, things are bound to change, in a major way. At that point of time, a decision will be made, regardless of my willingness to make one. That is when my confidence will be rebuilt and peak after a period of time. I'm sure this will be the outcome, as i am already foreseeing that moment which will take place in the near future.

Not Wanting To Hurt...

Why does she have to message me, attempting to do something for me...? In the sorry state i am now, even i myself have no idea what am i pursuing at the moment... When i received her message, my eyes were already filled with tears from the earlier crying in the office... No one noticed me i guessed... Provided my frequent visits to the loo did not arouse any suspicion...

She said she did not want me to face the sadness alone... and wanted to help... How...? The reason i'm feeling so sad is because i've lost the one i once held so dear... I contributed to the decimation of her love for me... I so wanted to get it back... But nothing can be done anymore... Her heart is no longer with me... But with a guy whom i deemed as trash... If not for her... I would have confronted that coward... I've been silly to kept their love alive... As a guy with integrity and dignity, this is as far as i can go in their favor...

I yearned to see her... But the thought of her going out with someone who plotted against me is just too overbearing and humiliating... The last thing i would want is for her to go off into a world that was initially built upon lies... Regardless what the world might provide eventually... Partly also because the world was built upon my weaknesses and at the expense of my truthfulness... Every time i went out with her since that undesirable incident, i've always borne thoughts of making her leave that wretched one... And i never fail to generate stress for her by doing so... That is why i chose to leave her for good... no matter how much i hate to do this... I love her too much to put her into any kind of dilemma again... I knew i could not treat her as friend... no matter how much i wanted to... as i'm still deeply in love with her... As long as i still love her... my conscious will control me to persuade her back to my side... which will then cause her further trouble... I want to avoid all these... for her happiness... regardless its authenticity...

She also wanted me to know that she still remember the times we were together... But of what significance is that of now...? Why does she have to tell me all these when she can't shower me with love like before...? What i am missing so much is her love for me... Regardless of what we do... as long as i can feel her love... it's enough... It has always been this way... and perhaps that is why we ended up like this... I was too contented with this minor happiness and perhaps forgotten the rules of the game... I would rather we not hold any memories of each other... so that we can start all over again... And if there isn't any possibilities between us... i would want her to forget clean about me... and concentrate on her current happiness...

Yes... i've reached my limits... i'm no longer able to foster a smile in front of everyone... my motivation and confidence are nosediving... crying myself to sleep and waking up in tears from a terrible nightmare for a few consecutive days are driving me crazy... I loathe each and every second that is coming my way... I loathe each and every moment i'm alone... I'm drained...

爱哭鬼

爱哭鬼，还不赶快停止脑海中那些感伤的画面。。。

懦

为了让自己好受一点，我拼命的告诉自己我是那么憎恨她选择了一个介入者。 没想到我连一个不要脸，懦弱，满口谎言的无赖都比不上。我也借此给自己多了个讨厌她的理由。今天，由于有事要办，午餐我独自一个人。歌，听了百遍不该就够了吗？我哼了三遍，眼泪却不自觉的在眼里打转。妈的，不是说好把她忘了吗？难道连对自己的诺言都守不住吗？终究，我还是一个给不起承诺的家伙。我常对朋友说，多希望我能操控自己的感情与潜意识，那么悲伤就再也不会是悲伤。人，往往都抵不住真实的感觉。无论怎么努力的自我催眠，都无效。过了多久，我已不晓得。我还在努力，努力地将自己催眠。。。

2-Men-Team: Virgin Exploration

Together with choon boon, we have formed a team of two. Our aim is to explore every part of Singapore, in order to have a good knowledge of all, if not most, interesting places available. Today we headed off to Bugis and our first stop is the new shopping mall, Iluma.

Iluma is just another typical shopping mall, but with alot of walking space. I have read reviews on it and many have complained about the lack of shops due to the abundance of walking space. Well... I personally feel otherwise. Somehow, it gives me a new experience which other shopping malls can't provide. I love to have a lot of space instead of squeezing with the crowds. For me, i would visit Iluma more than any other shopping centers, just because it gives me a better ambiance. I wouldn't go to a shopping mall just because it offers more variety of shops. That's just me. Shopping ain't my cup of tea, and i prefer to take my time and chill.

Level 5 is all about movies and arcades, while level 7 provides the shoppers with a sky garden, which is currently unavailable. If you think that the sky garden is the "thing", you're so wrong. There is a huge area allotted for a up-and-coming game center and also a Lan center just beside it. The soft launch of the Lan center will be on this coming Saturday. I'm so looking forward to visiting it with my friend. The environment there is superb, and with the cheap rates due to the soft launch, it is something that should not be missed. Mind you, it has been AGES since i last visited a Lan shop. :)

After that, we went on to visit many many random places, covering many MRT stations in the process. I'm too lazy to further elaborate on the trip, but it was one hell of an experience man! Exploration has never been this fun and i'm looking forward to the next trip, which is most probably at Clarke Quay.

I've bought the first can of beer in my life time. Yup, it's true, my first can. I have never bought any beer or wine before and have never really drank with the exception of a few gulps in order to entertain my friends.

During the trip, i happened to revisit various places that i've previously went to with her... Going back to those places gave me a brand new kind of feeling. During the times i went with her, i was new to those places. But this time, i'm going back to those places, no longer as a green horn. It really feels good to get to know more places in Singapore. It feels good to have a beer while venturing into the unknowns. Sometimes i wonder... why am i doing all these...? Is it because of her...? I wonder... Oh well... All these are something that i should have learned long ago... It might have been a little too late now... How i wish i could turn back the pendulum...

N E S T

it's Not Easy, but i'm Still Trying. How easy is it to just forget a particular thing? Not easy at all i must say. But still, with an immense amount of effort, i believe it can be done. It might not be a smooth-sailing attempt, but ultimately, it has to succeed. Time will never erase a memory, but instead archive it out of our reach.

It is just like any piece of data on a computer. Once created, the data will remain in the computer, even after a deletion command is executed. As long as no effort is put into restoring that data, it will continue to persist in oblivion. But that doesn't means that the data is lost forever. It will take a more-than-usual amount of effort to retrieve the desired data.

I would say, how our brains work bears huge resemblance to how a computer works. An experience that have been seemingly forgotten after a span of 1 year might just come back with a sudden jolt.

I'm trying and is hard at it. Trying to remove the haunting pain. Keeping myself as busy as possible. Hope it works.

谐星的辛酸

Quoted from Yahoo! News...

http://sg.news.yahoo.com/xin/20090604/ten-267-jacky-wu-im-leaving-taiwan-china-3c1b9bc.html

=================================================================================

Even so, it is not difficult to sense Wu's reluctance to leave. "In the beginning, it might be hard for me to sleep without the applause of the audiences. Hopefully in a couple of years, people will still recognize and call out to me on the streets. At that time, I will not turn back, because I want to hide my crying face."

=================================================================================

Comedians can never put down their mask to reveal their true emotions... Jiayou Jacky Wu!!!

眼泪

青春若有张不老的脸
但愿她永远不被改变
许多梦想总编织太美
跟着迎接幻灭
爱上你是最快乐的事
却也换来最痛苦的悲
苦涩交错爱的甜美
我怎样都学不会
ha......
oh 眼泪
眼泪都是我的体会
成长的滋味
oh 眼泪
忍住眼泪不让你看见
我在改变
孤单的感觉
你从不曾发现
我笑中还有泪
oh 眼泪
眼泪流过无言的夜
心痛的滋味
oh 眼泪
擦干眼泪忘掉一切
曾有的眷恋
眼泪是苦
眼泪是伤悲
眼泪都是你
眼泪是甜
眼泪是昨天
眼泪不流泪

街角的祝福

多少个秋 多少个冬
我几乎快要被治愈好
但还是会只因为一个重覆的话题
就无心自扰
也曾想过
若真遇见 我们应该如何是好
我想我还是会站在某一个街角
不让你看到
只因为我不想打扰
只因为怕你解释不了
只因为现在你的眼睛里
她比我还重要
我只好假装我看不到
看不到你和她在对街拥抱
你的快乐 我可以感受得到
这样的见面方式对谁都好
我只好假装我听不到
听不到别人口中的她好不好
再不想问 也不想被通知到
反正你的世界我管不了
若不想问 若不想被通知到
======================================================================

This song seemed to reflect what i have been feeling in one of the past few days. At least i am able to enjoy this song now without much emotion, which means this feeling is in the past already

i'm back... partially :)

These few days have been torturous, but nevertheless, i survived. Sorry to everyone whom i talked to for not being able to provide much detail about what i have went through these past few days, as i felt that i should respect the privacy of all parties involved. Despite this, i'm so appreciative and glad that i've received so many opinions and comments in regards to this complex matter. It really doesn't matter to me if those words are comforting or painful wake-up calls. In my eyes, those are really care and concern that i'm showered with from my trusted friends :)

Today is going to be a fine day vO. Ov

【自创曲】

忍了好久。。。 我始终还是忍不住。。。 问出了口。。。 发现事实的真相。。。 赤裸裸的呈现在我面前。。。 我到底该前进还是在原地踏步。。。 选择了前进。。。 可是结果是我想要的吗。。。 揭穿了那人面兽心。。。 可自己却没变的更好。。。 不忍心看着她无辜的受骗。。。 想努力的保护她。。。 一厢情愿的任性。。。 是她要的吗。。。 不曾想过。。。 她能承受那么残酷的现实吗。。。 我毫不晓得。。。 一心的认为一切都能重来。。。 多好笑的想法。。。 眼睁睁的看着她心甘情愿的受伤。。。 心里万分的不舍。。。 无能为力的我还能做些什么呢。。。 留着让心淌血。。。 还是不负责任的离开。。。 说到底。。。 我还是没顾虑到她的感受。。。 也许我的担忧都是多余的。。。 我一直烙印在她脑海中的幸福对她来说也许根本是一种负担。。。 真正的幸福。。。 也许是她现在所追求的。。。 我还不累。。。 可是察觉到她已好累了。。。 她对我的感觉。。。 说破了也许是一种怜悯。。。 不舍看到我受伤。。。 我不适合当可怜角色。。。 在人们眼中强悍霸气。。。 逗趣搞笑的我。。。 人间蒸发了吗。。。 就像宗宪。。。 我们都是同一种人。。。 一个谐星。。。 永远都得带上一个面具。。。 笑容。。。 累了该怎么办。。。 泪水到底该往哪里吞。。。 压抑的心情。。。 早已忘了怎么正面的释放。。。


========================================================================
不放手【自创曲】

告诉我
你到底想什么
能不能诚
实的告诉我并且让我在你的左右
不要
轻易的说分手
我会难过
只要你在一度相信我
我不会放手

========================================================================
不要放不开【自创曲】

对你的爱 我从不曾明白
放开胸怀 最后才能释怀
当初你爱 我的坏 还是乖
对你来说我们的爱到底存不存在

当我离开 后你是否 alright
工作起来 我的心到处 fly
再次坦白 i say sorry and you cry
再次牵起你的双手一起走向未来

========================================================================
纯属虚构【自创曲】

该怎么做 我想懂
该怎么说 我不懂
我为你付出的一切
你难道都不接受

过了多久 我不懂
有没有结果 我想懂
假如这一切都是虚有
我不在难过

如果那只是海市蜃楼
请你放开我

========================================================================

早已忘记当时写这些歌的灵感来自何处。。。 现在觉得好贴切。。。 应该都隔了一年吧。。。 始终没把歌写完。。。 副歌的词。。。 副歌的曲。。。 全都有了。。。 可是副歌终究是副歌。。。 没有独当一面的能力。。。 若没主歌。。。 歌永远都只能杵在残缺的状态之下。。。

CE gathering + Mofo Mob

Yesterday was supposed to be a long working day, as there were installations to be done for a large number of PCs. But in the afternoon, Mr Man received a call saying that the installation was postponed to next week. HURRAY! This means that my original plan of going PC show with Yuenloong and Choonboon can be put into action again.

In the afternoon, 3 of us in the office, Mr Man, Norman and me, went to buy a cake for our dear Joshua and Zhixiong. HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Being a nice intern, i was obliged to pay for half of the cake for my supervisor (Joshua) and also a tiptop curry pok! lOl~ Mr Man paid the other half :)

Suntec was filled with a massive crowd due to the PC show. Actually, there wasn't really anything that catches my eye at the PC show. The prices ain't really that wonderful and it further motivates me to go down again on Sunday instead. The only thing i gained from this PC show on friday was the signing up of POEMS account that is used for stock-trading. Not to forget, a great talk-cock session too. :)

A few hours ago, i was involved in the carwash event to canvass funds for the MSE/SCE FOC. 1 hour ago, i was already prepared to go to the PC show again, but this time with my girl. But... i received a message... a horrible one. Mobilisation. Everything after that is self-explanatory. On the cab back home, my mind was filled with sadness. Am i jealous or what? I really can't understand what's with that sudden sadness... Even though me and my girl are no longer together... But somehow, knowing that a guy will replace me to go the the PC show with her later on saddened me greatly... I don't know what's so attractive about her too... Is this what's love all about? Sigh... It seems like I'm always not the one around when she needs a person most... It's that guy who is always around... God, what should i do...? I'm the one who destroyed the whole thing, do i even deserve a chance to ask for another chance...? The pain...

OT lor!!!

Wowzer, tonight will be my first OT in NCS. Most would have dread having OT on a Friday night, but that's not the case for me. Instead, i am looking forward to it! X) Having work to do after office hour is a nightmare, but being able to work together with your brothers is as cool as it gets. Mr Man (pronounced as SLOW in chinese) is often not around in the office, as he has to go down to individual sites to carry out his work. Yesterday, Mr Man asked me whether I'm extending my contract. He was glad to hear that i extended my contract and said something like "Good ma, like that got people to pei me. If not the cubicle so sian". HAHAHA! Signs of Mr Man turning GAY!!! I wonder who is the one who kept asking me not to GAY with him last time. Now he is more and more GAY liao lor! Oops, he come back to the cubicle liao, shan't say anymore. HAHAHA! GAY!!!!!!!!!

乱灯

一个人独自逛街的寂寞还真不好受。。。

Raffles Place

It's so interesting to just sit back and relax in the open area of Raffles Place. There are so many surveyors and ticket-sellers around, but none of them are having ANY luck at all. As usual, there are different batches of "workers". There are those who asked for your details in the form of surveys and also those that sell tickets in the name of "XXX". Is it easier to have someone do a survey or to have them draw out notes from their wallets in exchange for a lucky draw ticket? I would say both makes no difference to me.

In fact, both requires the exact same set of techniques and discipline. What i am seeing here are some shabbily dressed students. Ever wonder why does a guy accept the preaching of a female tix seller but not the male counterpart? People are generally attracted to pretty stuff. If you're not the most charming guy on Earth, at least make yourself presentable. For guys, charm the office ladies with your cuteness. No office lady can resist a little flirting from a young,cute guy. You do not need to be persistent to be successful, instead catch their attention the moment they set their eyes on you. With a great smile and a casual attitude, a conversation isn't impossible. A cutesy, dragged long "hi" is much more useful than a 300 words-per-minute speech. And don't forget, the smile on your face :)

*And i just realised that the people sitting around me are waiting for the organizer of a dating event. The girl sitting beside me is a real cutesy! Wonder why is she joining events such as this... :)*

Memory Leak

Gosh, i seemed to be facing a major memory leak recently. Things that i have thought of 30 seconds ago might just go missing without a trace. Most of the times i'm able to recall bits and pieces which will eventually result in the restoration of the lost memory. But there are still cases where i am left totally clueless and never got a chance to retrieve it back. Sigh... I guess i'm under quite of stress recently and there are too many thoughts going through my mind. Memory overload. Aborting. ARGH!!!

I should be trying a memopad soon, to jot down any thoughts that i harbor. In fact, writing down the things on your mind helps in alot of way. For people who are facing the same temporary problem as i am having now, taking notes help to retain whatever information that might be useful. Creativity is one of the most attractive trait in life (at least that's what i thought), but the problem with it is that it comes with a stroke of genius and disappears into the oblivion with a blink of eyes. Mere thoughts ain't impressive unless shared with others who appreciate them. So what is the point of having creativity but a lousy memory?

It has also been scientifically proven that writing down everything that comes into your mind while trying to sleep HELPS you to sleep in peace. By writing the thoughts down, it gives a tranquilizing effect that allows one to feel safe and secure, thus the enhancement of the ability to fall asleep.

Speaking of memory... the PC fair is near!!! But the crappiest part is that i haven't got a partner to go with me. :| Buzzing through a PC fair is one hell of an experience, but the enjoyment only comes when there are 2 or 3 people in a group. No more, no less. Solitary breeds loneliness, while a big crowd is just plain annoying for anything to be accomplished. When there is a big crowd, it requires a huge amount of effort to keep everyone engaged and hence defeat the purpose when there isn't much time for SALVAGING. RAWR!!! The only confirmed visit to the PC fair is on friday. Yup, after work. How COOL is that? It just means that we have only 2 hours to RAID the IT ruins. Most probably we will be missing out on a lot of great deals. I seriously regretted missing the last one, so hopefully, i can find a partner for the weekend RAID. A list of potentials run through my mind... But i wonder if they have already planned something? Sigh. Oh well, things will turn out fine right? :)

"Pyongyang's main Rodong Sinmun newspaper reiterated that the country will consider any sanctions a declaration of war and will respond with "due corresponding self-defense measures," and on Tuesday the country said it would use nuclear weapons in a "merciless offensive" if provoked."

I'm keeping my finger crossed that North Korea ain't a sissy and is sticking to their words. Damn... i shouldn't be posting my evil thoughts on the blog... Oh well. :)

Things to do

After recent incidents, i realised that i have yet alot to learn man. Even though people feels that i am better than average, but i am well aware that i'm nowhere near the top, or even good. Right now, my mind is so damn clear, finally the first time after a few weeks. Truth is always hurtful, but once you treat it as a kind of empowerment, it doesn't hurt that much anymore and somehow, you might gain something by dealing with it.

Some of the things that i believed i'm still lacking:

1) Understanding of women in general
Basic understanding gets me to nowhere. This is what i have learned for the past few weeks. Just like a medic, it isn't enough to go into a battlefield with just the knowledge of CPR and a medi-guidebook. It takes much more than what i have now to really make a girl comfortable. I wonder how should i be proceeding from here to further enhance my understanding, but i just gonna try whatever ways i can.

2) Direction idiot
Yup, this isn't something new and it has been this way for the past... 24 years? I've always never regarded this as a problem, as there are always people around to ask for directions. But... when it comes to planning something... duh. Without the ability to even locate a place properly, how the hell can i plan something out of nothing? That's a major problem man. It's time for me to start running around singapore and stop being so lost everytime.

3) Cycling... LOL!
This is the most ridiculous thing to consider, but is indeed one of the most crucial stuff in my mind. If i can cycle, it might really cure my "direction-idiotness" and allow me to explore more places too! It's always so boring when i can only take a walk around the neighbourhood in the wee hours. If only i can cycle, things will be different... I can go to places where my legs can't bring me before they tire out. That will be so cool. Yup, and this will be my top priority at the moment, since it is something that can really be picked up without much difficulty.

There are some other stuff that i want to look into, but right now, i hope to fully correct the points mentioned above as i believe they are much more critical at this point of time. Wow, i feel so good after penning all these down. Now that i have my thoughts cleared and directions found, time to get to work. :)

最帅的一次

虽然还是有不舍，可是经过了一天，证实她仍然没有改变。 对于一个只追求施舍，而不付出的人，我又何必要那么执着呢？ 也不是说她不好，只是至今，她还是无法分辨对与错，信任对她来说根本不存在。 若无信任，无付出，两人在一起也只是虚无。 不了解我的人多的是，了解我的人才知道我向来直来直往，绝不轻易说谎。 善意的谎言是必要的，至于那些我不欣赏的人，对不起，我的话的确连屁都不如。 对于我在乎的人，我从不掩饰。 可是，偏偏就有人不信。

我还是很感谢能经历这一切，这让我上了一堂很宝贵的课。 付出是要双方面的，而不是一人的一厢情愿。 这道理，在这之前，我从来都没机会体会。 只有正正体会到的人，才能有所领悟。 她的确是一个好女孩，如果能再重来一次，我还是会毫无保留的用着我那真诚的心爱着她。 但是在她学会如何信任与付出之前，我的用心是不可能闯进她的心房。 这次的失败，只意味着我还不够资格。 现实是残酷的。 太美好的事件不是每一个人都能接受。 拥有残缺的失误却会被毫无止境的放大。

不负责任，潇洒的离开从来都不是我的STYLE。 选择了用这种方式更深刻的让我体会到，这还真的不是我的STYLE。 孤单的日子又将来临。 手中握着一杯热腾腾的茶，淡淡的回想着那些美好的回忆也不是一件坏事。 深深地爱着她，却没有一丝的悲伤，这种感觉还不赖。 月亮真的好圆。。。

Nightmare

Today has been a very tiring day for me, even though there was nothing much to do in office...

I had to give up on the girl that i felt was the best at this moment of my life... But... What does effort on my side lead to? I'm trying so hard, yet all i get is disbelieve from her... Words are cheap, and i'm constantly putting words into actions to prove my sincerity... For her, her liking for me cease in the form of verbal... She always think that we will never be together for long, as she needs constant socializing thrills... I'm already trying my best... But what...? She always wanted to do something interesting... She not only shot my ideas down, but refused to provide me with any suggestions upon requests... Why... I wonder... Is it because I am just an entertainer... a joker in her life? Am i being paid to perform...? Isn't a relationship a 2-way sweet burden...? Too many things... too many issues... too many reasons...

Just when i thought i could just sleep my tiring night away... i was awakened by a horrible dream... I dreamed of all sorts of nasty things that further saddened me... I can't exactly remember... but those things involved her doing something... Isn't it the end for us already...? Why am i still so upset about it...? I can't stop crying... I knew something like this will happen... I was there when she cried... Now i'm alone crying...

左边

总是 忍不住寂寞掉下眼泪
你才会给安慰
担心 短暂的晴天
随时都可能 被阴霾收回

等待 有机会最坏 也最甜美
我乐观却疲惫
因为 太怕失去你
所以连快乐里 都装满伤悲...

你不曾发觉
你总是用右手 牵着我
但是心却跳动 在左边
你和我之间 的遥远
永远隔着亲切 爱少得可怜
伸出 右手
想陪着你 向前走
感受 你爱我的心跳 在左边
那么深深爱你的我
相信你 会了解...

总在 埋怨过你的冷漠之后
又急着说抱歉
仿佛 向疏远的你
乞求一点体贴 都是我不对
结果 有可能最美 也最可悲
我做好了准备

也许 太自由的你
心里面那个家..
谁也不能回
你不曾发觉
你总是用右手 牵着我
但是心却跳动 在左边
你和我之间 的遥远
永远隔着亲切 爱少得可怜
伸出 右手
想陪着你 向前走
感受 你爱我的心跳 在左边
那么深深爱你的我
相信你 会了解...
我一直相信 总有一天...
你会用左手 牵着我走向明天...
未来很遥远 却会实现
心在同一边 就能够 听见...
你说的 那句 我爱你...
你不曾发觉
你总是用右手 牵着我
但是心却跳动在左边
你和我之间 的遥远
永远隔着亲切 爱少得可怜
伸出 右手
想陪着你 向前走
感受 你爱我的心跳 在左边
那么深深爱你的我 你一定..
看 得 见
=============================
哭了。。。

.

The more i think about it, the more i hate myself... What the hell did i do!!! Feel like crap the whole day and the feeling just won't go away... Almost wanted to punch through the bus window... damn it. I feel so helpless... It seems to me that there is nothing i can do... i wonder how she is feeling now... it must be the worst day of her life...

One

can forgive me huijuan...?