Not Wanting To Hurt...
Why does she have to message me, attempting to do something for me...? In the sorry state i am now, even i myself have no idea what am i pursuing at the moment... When i received her message, my eyes were already filled with tears from the earlier crying in the office... No one noticed me i guessed... Provided my frequent visits to the loo did not arouse any suspicion...
She said she did not want me to face the sadness alone... and wanted to help... How...? The reason i'm feeling so sad is because i've lost the one i once held so dear... I contributed to the decimation of her love for me... I so wanted to get it back... But nothing can be done anymore... Her heart is no longer with me... But with a guy whom i deemed as trash... If not for her... I would have confronted that coward... I've been silly to kept their love alive... As a guy with integrity and dignity, this is as far as i can go in their favor...
I yearned to see her... But the thought of her going out with someone who plotted against me is just too overbearing and humiliating... The last thing i would want is for her to go off into a world that was initially built upon lies... Regardless what the world might provide eventually... Partly also because the world was built upon my weaknesses and at the expense of my truthfulness... Every time i went out with her since that undesirable incident, i've always borne thoughts of making her leave that wretched one... And i never fail to generate stress for her by doing so... That is why i chose to leave her for good... no matter how much i hate to do this... I love her too much to put her into any kind of dilemma again... I knew i could not treat her as friend... no matter how much i wanted to... as i'm still deeply in love with her... As long as i still love her... my conscious will control me to persuade her back to my side... which will then cause her further trouble... I want to avoid all these... for her happiness... regardless its authenticity...
She also wanted me to know that she still remember the times we were together... But of what significance is that of now...? Why does she have to tell me all these when she can't shower me with love like before...? What i am missing so much is her love for me... Regardless of what we do... as long as i can feel her love... it's enough... It has always been this way... and perhaps that is why we ended up like this... I was too contented with this minor happiness and perhaps forgotten the rules of the game... I would rather we not hold any memories of each other... so that we can start all over again... And if there isn't any possibilities between us... i would want her to forget clean about me... and concentrate on her current happiness...
Yes... i've reached my limits... i'm no longer able to foster a smile in front of everyone... my motivation and confidence are nosediving... crying myself to sleep and waking up in tears from a terrible nightmare for a few consecutive days are driving me crazy... I loathe each and every second that is coming my way... I loathe each and every moment i'm alone... I'm drained...
She said she did not want me to face the sadness alone... and wanted to help... How...? The reason i'm feeling so sad is because i've lost the one i once held so dear... I contributed to the decimation of her love for me... I so wanted to get it back... But nothing can be done anymore... Her heart is no longer with me... But with a guy whom i deemed as trash... If not for her... I would have confronted that coward... I've been silly to kept their love alive... As a guy with integrity and dignity, this is as far as i can go in their favor...
I yearned to see her... But the thought of her going out with someone who plotted against me is just too overbearing and humiliating... The last thing i would want is for her to go off into a world that was initially built upon lies... Regardless what the world might provide eventually... Partly also because the world was built upon my weaknesses and at the expense of my truthfulness... Every time i went out with her since that undesirable incident, i've always borne thoughts of making her leave that wretched one... And i never fail to generate stress for her by doing so... That is why i chose to leave her for good... no matter how much i hate to do this... I love her too much to put her into any kind of dilemma again... I knew i could not treat her as friend... no matter how much i wanted to... as i'm still deeply in love with her... As long as i still love her... my conscious will control me to persuade her back to my side... which will then cause her further trouble... I want to avoid all these... for her happiness... regardless its authenticity...
She also wanted me to know that she still remember the times we were together... But of what significance is that of now...? Why does she have to tell me all these when she can't shower me with love like before...? What i am missing so much is her love for me... Regardless of what we do... as long as i can feel her love... it's enough... It has always been this way... and perhaps that is why we ended up like this... I was too contented with this minor happiness and perhaps forgotten the rules of the game... I would rather we not hold any memories of each other... so that we can start all over again... And if there isn't any possibilities between us... i would want her to forget clean about me... and concentrate on her current happiness...
Yes... i've reached my limits... i'm no longer able to foster a smile in front of everyone... my motivation and confidence are nosediving... crying myself to sleep and waking up in tears from a terrible nightmare for a few consecutive days are driving me crazy... I loathe each and every second that is coming my way... I loathe each and every moment i'm alone... I'm drained...
posted by -=]-snoopy-[=- at 9:19 PM
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