To My Dear Roomie

Its 630am in the morning. Looking at the empty side of the room, sitting at the corner of the bed is me, with tears filling up my eyes. It has been quite long since i really felt so sad, the last time was when you saw me cried in the room. Thank you for bringing so much fun and laughter into my life, and i must say that the period when we were roommates is one of the best time i ever had in my life. There are few whom i considered as close friends and i believed you have made a great impact on me.

You are always taking care of me, tolerating me despite me being unreasonable at times. Everytime when you were around, you never fail to brighten up my day, either with your intelligent jokes or just your mere presence. We were so much closer during semester 1, and began to drift apart more and more during semester 2. Maybe its because of the timetable and my tuition timing, we hardly see each other during semester 2. But whenever we had time together, it was never void of fun, at least to me. I must say we had alot in similar in terms of our schools of thought. We could have endless topics, talking about nothing, which of course often made us wondered, why couldn't our female counterparts be able to interact with us like we did. I was almost always the one bullying you and you were always so ready to forgive me and my stupid actions. Those late night HTHT would be so missed... Even though it often caused you alot of convenience especially when you were tired, you never failed to expend your remaining energy to have a chat with me when i requested for one. You would share your experiences and daily encounters with me, which i would always be very interested in listening. There were so much we have done and so much we have not done... For example, going to kbox with you. It was an long overdued promise, which probably none of us remembered. But i still hope that one day, maybe during the holidays, we can go out together and have fun again.

Every weekend, i would wonder if you would come back on a sunday night or on a monday evening. I often hoped that you would come back on a sunday night so that i won't be all alone in the room with no one to talk to. But you came back only on monday most of the time. Actually, i was really very sad when you told me that you were not intending to continue staying in hall. I had so much wanted to ask you to stay, but after giving it much thoughts, i realised that you must had your reasons for not staying in hall. It would be selfish of me to ask you to stay for my sake, therefore i was exceptionally quiet in regards to this matter. This sadness never really got to me until now. Just the thought of you coming back to hall proved much satisfaction for me, as i knew subconsciously that i would had a chance to see you. The knowledge of tons of fun when you come back is more than enough to override the thoughts of you not being around. And that is why i somehow got used to staying in room alone.

Reality sets in, and the thought of you having moved out of the room really saddened me alot all of a sudden. A few hours earlier, i was still able to hold my composure and had so much fun. Watching bleach together for the last time, "death" of the fan, all the way to carrying your stuff to the cab... and the last hug really triggered me. The thought of your departure was awful, coupled with the sight of the empty half of the room really sent me crying. Although i would deny the fact that i cried if you were to ask me, i cried very hard, more than the last time you saw. I wish you all the best and shame to those who did not cherish you as i really think that you deserve more than what you have encountered since entering NTU. I am very thankful to have you as my roommate, without you, i wouldn't have such fond memories in my university life. Do come back to hall whenever you feel like it, and you are most welcomed as long as i am still the owner of the room. Take care and hopefully my memories with you wouldn't just stop here. LP, love and peace... =X *my tears have dried up liao... and its already 715...*

those memories...

All of a sudden, many memories of the past came back to me. I do not know how to respond to those memories... nope, it isn't those horrible memories, but fond memories that was created when i was still in junior college... using my fingers, counting the number of years back then, i barely managed to finishing counting using 1 hand... it has almost been 5 years... back when i was in JC1... whenever someone mentioned about JC life, i would always without fail reply that my JC life was a bore, nothing ever happened... it was true... except for the first few months in JC1...

i was shocked when those memories once again came to my mind. i felt very happy that i still have those memories with me... but at the same time, it seems like those memories shouldn't be retrieved at this point of the time...

back then, i was still an arrogant boy who only have respect for whoever that i believed deserved it... for anyone else, my respect for them was nowhere to be found... it does not mean that i am not the way i was now, but that was the time when i was most rebellious in my life till now... liking someone didn't require any practice or reasoning, and my reason for liking someone in my class was because she was the first to talk to me... come to think of it, it was plain ridiculous... but it was also the start of the birth of the fond memories... at that time, i had a very close female friend... i wouldn't say who and perhaps no one except for she herself will know... there wasn't nothing that we would not talk about. she was always so chatty and lively, at least that was what i observed from her. she also had times when she felt sad... but i hardly got a chance to see it. we had neverending topics to talk about, it was as if we knew each other for life. i even told her that i liked the girl in our class, and i still remembered her telling me that the girl was afraid of cat.

but never did i knew that i would have fallen in love with her... she was the one whom i really liked... not the girl that first spoke to me, but instead, was the girl who was always somehow by my side... i had so much memories of her... having a hearty conversation with her... act as a living dictionary to her... discussing about whether to go for the chalet over irc with her... going to the sports meet with her... her accompanying me to send my motherboard for repair... playing with her hair... so much memories... i was amazed by how much i still remembered about her... despite the fact that the fairytale did not last very long... and the turning point was the valentine day then... after that day... her attitude to me changed... it was as if i was stranger to her overnight... i did not really know the reason behind it... but during that period, it was really heart-breaking... at that point of time... i still wasn't clear if i was in love with her... i did not have the guts to ask her out on the very day... and up till now, i still do not know why the sudden change of attitude after that very day... and i am still accounting it to my cowardice at that moment... was it because i did not take any actions... was it because of my insensitive... or was it such a coincidence that the reason i heard from another friend was true, that your sudden change of attitude to me was attributed to my bad attitude to our GP teacher...? it wasn't as if i was not showing respect to her a few days before the sudden change of attitude... therefore i thought it wasn't really the reason why...

i purposely sent my spare motherboard for repair for the second time, because i wanted your company... i loved the movie "coyote ugly" because you once loved it too... till now... everytime i come across something related to this movie or LeAnn Rimmes... i would think of you... i believed it must be because of me coming across this movie in the NTU download channel that i, all of a sudden, had all the memories coming back to me... now it makes me wonder... am i looking for a relationship because i really liked the girls i saw... or am i just waiting for you... it might also be possible that i have so much memories of you is due to the fact that i spent a significant portion of my happiest moments in life with you... or i am looking for someone who is able to bring me something that you have once brought me... maybe all these memories meant nothing even... or they might meant that a portion of my heart is still yearning for your acceptance... i do not know... and do not want to know too... the fact that you are now happily together with your guy is enough for me to archive all these memories at the back of my head... am i still waiting... perhaps yes, perhaps no... no one knows... let time do the judgement for me...