For the past 2 days, something weird has been going on. Yesterday, i have met 3 girls whom i rather not see, and an additional 1 today. Why would i be reluctant to see them? The reason is simple. I do not know how to react to them.
The first 1 was really nothing worth talking about. She is not my friend, but instead is one of my close friend's friend. By seeing me, it might have triggered some unhappy memories for her. Although for most part, it was her fault instead of my friend's fault, but i guess since it's all over, the blame game should stop too. I was just too glad that it was not my close friend who was the one who met her. If not, he would be devastated.
For the second one, in fact, we did not really had much contact too. We came to know about each other in FOC. Even though our conversation was rather stupid and lasted for less than an hour i supposed, i felt that she could be a nice friend in the future. So after the FOC, i tried to search for her through the usual channels. And it so happened that she was taking the same elective as i am taking this semester. Although i tried to communicate with her, it seemed that she was not interested at all. It was quite shocking, as she was friendly during FOC, and was as if she was hinting me "Go away, i don't want to talk" after the camp. Oh well. I am not losing anything too, so i wasn't really bothered by it. So, i would rather not see her, as i have absolutely nothing to converse with her, not even a greetings. lol.
The intensity seems to increase, and from the 2nd one to the 3rd one, there was a huge leap. We met each other in can 9. Or rather, she RECOGNIZED me and initiated a greeting before i found out it was her. She was a nice girl that i met during hall 9 FOC. I was a senior attached then. Our relationship was weird. I do not know how to explain it properly, but i will give it a try. It was as if we are friends, and we are not. NOT in the sense that we are strangers. When we were together during hall events, she would be very bubbly and did not fail to entertain me with her actions and talks. She would be like how a small sister treats a big brother. At times, she would be clinging on to me like a spoilt kid. But that doesn't mean anything more than her cute character. Some mistook it as a display of affection, but i did not take it that way, as i thought that was how she would act based on her character. Even though i liked her a bit more than a normal friend, i was still sane enough to not get myself into any kind of trouble. On the flipside, she was very unsociable when it came to communicating using technology (e.g. phone, internet etc). So it was as if we are total strangers. lOl. As we did not have too many chances to go out together, it was difficult to keep up with her, and eventually there was no contact at all. I will still want to talk to her as a friend, but it seems like our friendship have gone past the expiry date.
The latest one... I have to admit i liked her. But that was only judging based on the appearance. I do not know if she was outright gorgeous in everyone's eyes (seriously, many have doubt my taste at times, DUH! I have my own preference k!), but to me, i believed she was the kind who would melt every man's heart. We got to know each other through a very funny experience. It involved a lot of courage on my side, as i approached her out of nowhere to ask for her handphone number. She was with 2 of her friends (a guy and a girl if i remembered it correctly), and i just charged straight to her outside LWN library. Talking about stupidity, i was so nervous till the point that i even forgot to tell her my name before leaving. Yup, so i got her numbers without telling her my name. LOL! Anyway, we often communicated on MSN, but i was not able to ask her out. Nothing's gonna happen when 2 persons have no face-to-face interaction. It would just be a lame virtual "friend"ship where 2 robots issued commands to each other on a regular basis. I have to admit i am always at a loss when it comes to dealing with a girl i like. I knew it was dumb and the reply would just be a huge NEGATIVE, but i still did that. The rationale behind it was, i thought that it was getting nowhere as there was absolutely no chance for me to ask her out. So why not just shoot the question and let every other things take care of it? There was really nothing i could do anymore to make it better and so i made that decision. Naturally, i was rejected. I thought to myself, i gave it my best and there was nothing more i could do. I was not particularly sad over her reply, as i believed it had somehow eased the burden that i was carrying at that time.
You used to visit my blog frequently, and even gave me alot of suggestions. I am able to paragraph my writings thanks to you, and i really enjoyed the times when we were still keeping in contact. There were many times i have saw you, but by the time i have confirmed that it was you, you were already a distance behind me. If i put in some effort, i would definitely be able to catch up with you and say a "hi". But i didn't, as i no longer have the courage from the first time we met. I was afraid you might not reply, i was afraid you might not recognize me, i was afraid i recognized the wrong person... i was afraid i could not say anything more other than a "hi"... Stay pretty k? I hoped you have already gotten over the pain from your previous boyfriend. Who knows? You might already have found your prince charming. All the best. ^-^
